Once your babies learn that "Once upon a time you were a Kid" life will be a breeze; naturally, they don't figure this out until their mid forties. Until then. you have to pretend to be'stupid'/ Yes. its harsh and sometimes very unpleasant for you but it makes their day.
Every new candy or practical joke that comes out on the commercial market will be a target torture device aimed against Mom. Sometimes you think. Don't they know I'm able to read?" but, because you are great you take the candy clearly labeled "War Heads hot enough to Blow your head off" and place it on your tongue and pretend its even hotter than the item really is... though it has already killed 99.9% of your taste buds. Why do this to yourself? Because you are great! Allow them to jeer, clap and die laughing but always remember this so you can pay them back!!
Yes! There is a light at the end of the long Motherhood Tunnel! Be an elephant-- never forget anything.
There are several ways to get even without them ever guessing you are keeping track of their pranks, tantrums, jokes and embarrassing gestures. Hidden in the deepest darkest cabinet in your kitchen-- the one with health food in it just to make sure they never find it is your GRANDMOTHERS WISH BOOK!! The book of tallies, points, ideas and salvation! Every time the monsters from the dark side do something that claws its way under your skin, you pull the book out and decide how to get even and input in the book.
Example:
8/1983 Problem: Today Shawn painted himself the dog and his little tykes coup sky blue.
Payback: purchase my grandchildren florescent finger paints in gallon size containers.
Mean while, you ave taken his picture with the blue dog and matching coup and cleaned them up laughing all the way, (if you think about it, it was really funny) get the idea? No? lets try another example.
11/ 1985 Problem: Jason throws a tantrum in my mothers house and tells grandma that mommy is mean to him so when i put him down for the much needed nap, Grandma sneaks up some french fries and agrees with him that you are being mean. ( you will notice she is giggling all the way up and down the stairs as this was one of her pay backs from her Grandmother book)
Payback: Pay my grandchildren 20 dollars to scream and cry for 30 minutes while their parents are having company
So have you gotten it finally? if you sit around and watch any ones grandparent you will see that they find joy and delight in the nasty things their grandchildren do that you were never permitted to do , unless under penalty of never seeing the light of day again.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Butter for the table
Sunday Dinner or Holiday Feast or is it just the Zoo? Seventten People, family and friends broken down into ten adults and seven children. You already know this means the 'little people" have the advantage.
First you must always remember the basics:
1. When children leave you to go to Grandmas or Aunt or Uncle So and so's etc.. they are Perfect well minded angels (this is to make you look like a fool when you are complaing about them)
2. Tehy are always good when te kid next door babysits (who wouldn't when the one in charge lets you do anything short of buring down the house)
3. The kids are pretty good when dad is a home but the minute he leaves, "life as we like it is over!"
4. When they have mom alone, their main objective is two things--- search and destryoy!
5. When you have company and they get together with other children, world war three is a possibility.
WWIII will happen unless you not anyone but YOU commander in chief Mom, have sneaky fun, yet timely memories up your sleeve! Timing and being prepared are the key factor here. Now, for a group of ideas you can use or change to make a holiday gathering a happy time.
you have known about the "feast" as that tatoo on your forhead sayig "sucker" was not covered by bangs so the general population is decending upon you. but not to fear Super MOm is here! you saved that plastic gallong milk jug with screw on top and picked up a container of Heavy Whipping cream. You are prepared.
A half hour before dinner, the troops arrived mothers fathers and kids... all in your kitchen... helping (?) You get their attention with "who wants to make butter for the dinner table?" All eyes are on you; the grown-ups are thinging you have lost it and the kids all want to do it!
Calmly you get the jug pour in the heavy cream add a pinch of salt screw on the top and esxplain how to do this butter making thing.
"When you have the jug, you shake it very hard five times and say 'yaba daba do willie wonka says give it to you' and throw it or roll it to the next person after turning around twice"
So if its nice, seven kids and milk jug go outside to make putter and ten sighs escape from ten parents. when the cream has formed a wad you cut intothe jug divide in half and its ready for the table fresh homemade butter. the kids feel like they have contributed to hte feast and you were able to rid them from your hair for a short duration. By the way if its miserable outsdie have them sit in a circle and roll it back and forth but still shake it perfeably doing this in the basement out of ear shot!
First you must always remember the basics:
1. When children leave you to go to Grandmas or Aunt or Uncle So and so's etc.. they are Perfect well minded angels (this is to make you look like a fool when you are complaing about them)
2. Tehy are always good when te kid next door babysits (who wouldn't when the one in charge lets you do anything short of buring down the house)
3. The kids are pretty good when dad is a home but the minute he leaves, "life as we like it is over!"
4. When they have mom alone, their main objective is two things--- search and destryoy!
5. When you have company and they get together with other children, world war three is a possibility.
WWIII will happen unless you not anyone but YOU commander in chief Mom, have sneaky fun, yet timely memories up your sleeve! Timing and being prepared are the key factor here. Now, for a group of ideas you can use or change to make a holiday gathering a happy time.
you have known about the "feast" as that tatoo on your forhead sayig "sucker" was not covered by bangs so the general population is decending upon you. but not to fear Super MOm is here! you saved that plastic gallong milk jug with screw on top and picked up a container of Heavy Whipping cream. You are prepared.
A half hour before dinner, the troops arrived mothers fathers and kids... all in your kitchen... helping (?) You get their attention with "who wants to make butter for the dinner table?" All eyes are on you; the grown-ups are thinging you have lost it and the kids all want to do it!
Calmly you get the jug pour in the heavy cream add a pinch of salt screw on the top and esxplain how to do this butter making thing.
"When you have the jug, you shake it very hard five times and say 'yaba daba do willie wonka says give it to you' and throw it or roll it to the next person after turning around twice"
So if its nice, seven kids and milk jug go outside to make putter and ten sighs escape from ten parents. when the cream has formed a wad you cut intothe jug divide in half and its ready for the table fresh homemade butter. the kids feel like they have contributed to hte feast and you were able to rid them from your hair for a short duration. By the way if its miserable outsdie have them sit in a circle and roll it back and forth but still shake it perfeably doing this in the basement out of ear shot!
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